Just when you thought it was safe to sit down, roll a d20, and pretend you’re a wizard named Kevin… DUNGEON DUNCE strikes back!
That’s right, mates! On 5th September, Red Cape Games is unleashing DUNGEON DUNCE: The TTRPG Family Farce, their very first foray into tabletop tomfoolery. Because clearly, the world needed more dice-related drama at family gatherings.
But wait, there’s more! (Cue dramatic lute solo.)
They’re also tossing two brand new tomes into the chaos: The SPELLBOOK (for the magically deluded) and The SLAYER’S STABBOOK (for those who think poking things solves everything).
Each one is crammed full of exclusive nonsense, err, content, for players to abuse at their leisure. Plus, there’s heaps more art, lovingly illustrated by people who were clearly locked in a dungeon themselves.
Feast your eyes on this free preview. Then question your life choices.
LONDON – What began as a small but determined protest against the upcoming September 5th release of the controversial roleplaying game Dungeon Dunce ended in cabbage-flinging, accidental summoning, and at least one duck-related prophecy.
Dozens of parents, educators, clergy, and a handful of confused bystanders gathered outside Red Cape Publishing yesterday to demand the cancellation of Dungeon Dunce, a tabletop game critics have called “a danger to family values, attention spans, and the English language.”
“We will not sit idly by while our children are taught to worship talking ducks, barter with furniture, and legally marry goblins,” declared Brenda Collywobbles, chair of the activist group M.U.M.S. (Mothers United against Magical Shenanigans). “The release of this game on 5th September is a direct attack on bedtime routines across the nation.”
Protesters arrived armed with hand-painted signs reading “Dice Are Vice,”“Ban the Duck,” and “No Level Ups Before Tea.” Things remained mostly civil until a counter-protest emerged from the alley behind a nearby Greggs, led by fans of Dungeon Dunce dressed in cloaks, fingerless gloves, and suspiciously damp wizard hats.
Chants of “Save the Duck! Free the Goblins!” clashed with shouts of “Not in my pantry!”
Tensions reached a critical level when a protestor threw what was later confirmed to be a cabbage bearing a runic sigil.
“That’s when the chanting changed,” said eyewitness Carol Nibbles, who works in the Pret across the road. “The sky got darker, the wind picked up, and then someone summoned a bard who would not stop freestyle rapping about salad-based necromancy.”
Police arrived shortly after, only to be immediately distracted by a small group of rogue children playing a live-action version of Dungeon Dunce in the flower beds.
One constable reportedly failed a saving throw and began leading a spontaneous conga line that circled the building three times.
Red Cape Publishing released a brief and slightly singed statement:
“Red Cape Publishing does not technically release games. Red Cape Games, our publishing-adjacent… cousin… is responsible for the upcoming Dungeon Dunce launch. We would like to reiterate that no ducks were intentionally summoned, and all cabbages were free-range.”
Red Cape Publishing
Red Cape Games later tweeted:
“We regret nothing. See you September 5th.”
Clean-up crews spent the evening recovering glitter, confiscating scrolls labelled “Mildly Inconvenient Hex,” and attempting to reason with a goat claiming to be the new Overlord.
No arrests were made, although one protestor was briefly turned into a garden gnome and another left the scene convinced they had been knighted by a toaster.
SIDEBAR: INTERVIEW WITH THE OVERLORD
“The Game’s Not Dangerous. You Lot Are Just Squishy.”
We managed to corner one of Dungeon Dunce’s so-called “Overlords” during the chaos, an 11-year-old named Felix “Dreadfang” McCluskey, wearing a bin liner cape, a traffic cone helmet, and a badge that read “I Decide Who Lives.”
Here’s what he had to say:
“First off, yeah. I summoned the cabbage. You try running a dungeon with parents heckling you about sodium content. Secondly, Dungeon Dunce isn’t dangerous unless you’re a coward, a turnip, or Brenda from M.U.M.S.” “It’s just a bit of fun. You roll dice, battle ducks, maybe combust spontaneously if your optimism’s too high. Standard Tuesday. We even included rules for hugging!” “Honestly, I think the real danger is adults who don’t know how to play pretend without panicking. They fear what they don’t understand… mostly goblins.” “Anyway, I’ve got to go. The goat’s in charge of initiative now.”
Overlord Felix
Felix then vanished into a swirl of glitter smoke after casting “Exit, Stage Left.”
“HE CALLED ME A TURNIP!” SAYS OUTRAGED MOTHER AS GOAT TAKES OVER LOCAL PROTEST
Brenda Collywobbles Responds to Overlord Felix’s ‘Hurtful Spellcasting and Immature Remarks’
Following the surprise interview with Dungeon Dunce Overlord Felix “Dreadfang” McCluskey, protest organiser Brenda Collywobbles has issued a strongly worded rebuttal, backed by a clipboard, three laminated charts, and one very damp Labrador named Muffin.
“I don’t care if he’s 11. I’ve been called many things in my life, uptight, dramatic, part-rhubarb, but never a turnip,”
Brenda fumed outside Red Cape headquarters while trying to scrape glitter off her Marks & Spencer trousers.
“That boy is a menace. That game is a menace. And the goat? Don’t even get me started on the goat. It bit Malcolm from choir and then rolled a nat 20 on ‘intimidate’.”
Brenda went on to demand a formal apology from Red Cape Games, a ban on vegetable summoning within 200 feet of any Waitrose, and the immediate removal of “that ridiculous Cosmic Duck” from all marketing materials.
“It’s not just a game. It’s indoctrination. My grandson was a perfectly ordinary child until Dungeon Dunce. Now he insists we call him Lord Crumpet and won’t eat dinner unless he gets initiative first.”
When asked if she’d actually read the game’s rulebook, Brenda narrowed her eyes and whispered:
“I tried. But the table of contents insulted me.”
She concluded the press conference by vowing to continue the protest “until this nonsense is cancelled, recalled, or turned into a BBC documentary about poor parenting.”
Meanwhile, the goat, now wearing a sash that reads “Acting Overlord (Interim)” was seen chewing a protest sign and headbutting a journalist.
Brenda’s final demand, a nationwide ban on what she described as “irresponsible dice and duck-based literature”, was promptly ignored when the protest goat urinated on her clipboard, declared itself “King of Croydon,” and wandered off with the vicar’s sleeve in its mouth.
Despite the mayhem, Red Cape Games remains unmoved.
“Dungeon Dunce releases 5th September,” said a tiny spokesperson (possibly a child) through a megaphone made of cardboard and regret. “We suggest the nation emotionally prepares itself. Or at least buys a mop.”
The game is expected to launch with full rules, optional chaos, and limited regard for parental approval. Lock up your vegetables. The duck is coming.
DadInDistress88 Display Name: Gary Thompson Username: @DadInDistress88 Bio: Formerly a normal dad. Now studying Goblin Law on YouTube. Please send help or biscuits. Profile Pic: A tired man in a bathrobe being “cross-examined” by a toddler in a wizard hat. Followers: 1.9k Joined: February 2024 Pinned Post: “My daughter has legally bound the toaster. I’ve lost custody of the jam.”
“She’s three. She can’t spell ‘wizard’, but now she insists everything be resolved by ‘Trial by Initiative.’ She cross-examined her nan over a bedtime biscuit and tried to cast ‘Legally Binding Hug.’
Posted by: THE SOCIETY FOR PROPER GAMES (and Actual Morals)
THE SOCIETY FOR PROPER GAMES (and Actual Morals) Display Name: S.P.G.A.M. Username: @ProperGamesNow Bio: Morality. Monopoly. Mild tea. Based in Tunbridge Wells. Games should teach taxes, not tentacles. Profile Pic: A stern-looking owl wearing glasses perched atop a rulebook titled Fun with Morals. Followers: 8.8k Joined: September 2017 Pinned Post: “NO MORE VOMIT MAGIC!”
“We at S.P.G.A.M. believe in good, clean games with proper values. Games where the only monsters are taxed appropriately and all tea is accounted for.
Dungeon Dunce is an assault on decency. It contains:
Rules for ‘vomit-based spellcasting’
A monster called The Accountant of Agony
Tables where rolling a 6 causes ‘existential confusion’
Concerned Parents of Greater Croydon Display Name: Concerned Parents GC Username: @CroydonCares Bio: Safe games. Clean dice. No combustion. We meet every Tuesday after choir. Petitioning against “Fiery Disappointment” since v1.3. Profile Pic: A group photo with red cardigans and very concerned faces. Followers: 3.1k Joined: November 2020 Pinned Post: “Bethany has the scorched character sheet to prove it.”
“Our children deserve better. They deserve safe, educational games—like Monopoly, where you learn about crippling debt.
Dungeon Dunce, on the other hand, includes a mechanic called ‘Fiery Disappointment’. Our Bethany hit Level 3 and combusted in-game, right in front of the vicar.
The Overlord (a 9-year-old) showed no remorse.
We are calling for a full ban on this game, or at least proper parental guidance warning labels like:
MAY CONTAIN: Unholy ducks, prophetic nosebleeds, and legal possession by vegetables.”
Red Cape Publishing 