“My Son Tried to Summon a Cabbage God in the Kitchen. Thanks, Red Cape.”

Posted by: Brenda4Sanity, Chairwoman of M.U.M.S. (Mothers United against Magical Shenanigans)

Brenda4Sanity, Chairwoman of M.U.M.S.
Display Name: Brenda Hepplewhite
Username: @Brenda4Sanity
Bio:
Chair of M.U.M.S.
Cleaning up after magical disasters since 2009.
Parsnip Latin is a hate crime.
Profile Pic: A motherly figure with curlers and a spray bottle labeled “Holy Water.”
Followers: 12.4k
Joined: May 2018
Pinned Post: “I banned Ouija boards, now I have to ban the salad spinner.”

“It started harmlessly. Just a dice game, they said. A bit of family fun, they said.

Then I walked in on young Oliver performing a ritual over the salad spinner while chanting in Parsnip Latin. He’d drawn eyes on all the veg. The cat hasn’t come down from the curtains since.

Red Cape, explain yourself.

Also, does anyone know how to remove beetroot sigils from a granite countertop?”

“How to Delete the Cosmic Duck from Reality (and Other Lies Red Cape Told Us)” Posted by: The Goblin Union (Local 187)

The Goblin Union (Local 187)
Display Name: Local 187 – Goblin Union
Username: @UnionizedMenace
Bio:
One guild, many grievances.
Anti-Duck, Pro-Snack.
Weekly chant: “Quack Off!”
Profile Pic: A goblin picket line outside a dungeon with one sign reading “No Ducks, No Dice!”
Followers: 9.2k
Joined: January 2022
Pinned Post: “Your boss monster shouldn’t be a waterfowl with feelings.”

“They said the Cosmic Duck was just a joke boss. They said it wouldn’t be in the starter dungeon.

They lied. It’s there. It watches.

We’ve tried banishment, therapy, and interpretive dance. Nothing works.

Please, for the love of all that is feathery and eldritch, do not quack back.”

“The Cabbage Lich is Real and He Owes Me Child Support” Posted by: Anonymous but Smells Like Compost

Anonymous but Smells Like Compost
Display Name: Rotbucket
Username: @TheCompostOracle
Bio:
Truth from the mulch.
Victim of undead cabbage litigation.
Blocked by the Cabbage Lich.
Profile Pic: A wilted lettuce with glowing red eyes wearing a monocle.
Followers: 777
Joined: October 2023
Pinned Post: “He’s still in my DMs. He sent GIFs.”

“Look, we warned them. You can’t just create undead produce without reading the side effects.

The Cabbage Lich wasn’t supposed to make it past playtesting. Now he’s got a Twitter account and he’s DMing my nan.

Dungeon Dunce isn’t a game. It’s a summoning ritual wrapped in bad art and worse judgement.”

. “Leaked Emails From Red Cape Games Reveal They Have No Idea What They’re Doing” Posted by: GoblinWhistleblower47

GoblinWhistleblower47
Display Name: Kevin
Username: @GoblinWhistleblower47
Bio:
Former intern, current truth-teller.
Fired for “sandwich-based initiative.”
Goblin. Not sorry.
Profile Pic: A blurry selfie of a goblin in a Hi-Vis vest holding a broken coffee mug.
Followers: 398
Joined: April 2024
Pinned Post: “I tried to unionise the gelatinous cubes. They dissolved the forms.”

“Subject: Is a duck a valid boss monster?”
“Subject: How many elbows should a lich have?”
“Subject: Does fireball count as emotional damage?”

These are real email subjects from inside Red Cape Games. They have a whiteboard that just says ‘Dice?’.

One of their designers tried to roll initiative using a sandwich.

The truth must be known.”

“We Playtested Dungeon Dunce and All We Got Was This Lousy Emotional Damage” Posted by: @ElvesAgainstEncounters

@ElvesAgainstEncounters
Display Name: Union of Freelance Elves
Username: @ElvesAgainstEncounters
Bio:
No XP for emotional trauma.
Official Guild of Narrative Consent.
No more cursed mimics.
Profile Pic: Pixel art of a weeping elf holding dice with a protest sign reading “Not Again.”
Followers: 5.6k
Joined: March 2021
Pinned Post: “Healing potions won’t fix what this game did.”

“We, a proud collective of freelance Elves and unwilling Goblin interns, played Dungeon Dunce for three sessions.

Here’s what happened:

The wizard exploded from joy.
The fighter fell in love with a mimic.
The rogue turned into a tax liability.
The door boss critted all of us, emotionally and literally.

We laughed. We cried. We screamed at a kettle. 1/10, would traumatically bond again.”